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  • Things happy couples do everyday

    Things happy couples do everyday

    Want to be happy in your relationship with your partner? Here are things happy couples do everyday.

    1. Talk to and Really Listen to Each Other
    This sounds simple, right? I mean, why would you get into a relationship or marriage with someone that you didn’t want to talk to?

    Well, it’s way more common than you think.

    Take a look around these days. Most couples have their faces in their phones, laptops, video game, or some other electronic device. They have more of a relationship with them than their actual partner.

    So, talk to each other. Listen to each other — and I mean, really listen to each other with your brain and your heart.

    2. Stay Connected Through the Day
    I dated a guy once who, when we were together, everything was great. We got along, everything was flowing, and I thought we really had something special. But the problem was, when we were apart, I hardly ever heard from him.

    While some people might like the sound of this, it certainly doesn’t create or maintain any sort of intimacy between the two of you. Even if it’s a quick text during the day asking, “What are you doing?” or “I’m thinking of you, and I love you!” That’s all it really takes to keep the connection going.

    3. Do Something Together
    Sadly, as time goes on, a lot of couples lifk separate lives. Even if they live in the same house, they still cave live separate lives.

    For example, a lot of men have (or want) a “Man Cave.” While that sounds great, what does it imply?

    It implies that he wants to be left alone. He doesn’t want his partner bothering him. What kind of message does that send? I’m not implying that you need to be joined at hip or spend 24/7 together, but you need to engage with each other in activities on a regular basis.

    Take a look at these 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples if you run out of ideas what you can do with your partner.

    4. Express Gratitude
    I cannot stress enough how important this one is! Human beings take almost everything for granted – the food on their table, the roof over their head – you name it. Even the people we love the most.

    All it takes is a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you!” Even if someone makes you dinner every single night, still say “Thanks so much for dinner, babe. It was delicious!”

    Everyone wants to know they are appreciated – especially for the things they do every day that can be taken for granted.

    5. Say Nice Things to and About Each Other
    Most people like to be complimented. Sure, not everyone. But even those people deep down want to feel good about themselves.

    So, saying things like “you are so beautiful” or “you look sexy in that” goes a long way.

    It doesn’t even have to be a compliment per se. If your partner is dedicated to health and fitness, you could say something like, “I really admire your dedication to your health, honey!” It’s so important to be positive to one another.

    6. Put the Other Person’s Needs Equal to – or Before – Their Own
    We live in a very selfish and narcissistic world these days. It’s all about “Me, Me, Me.” What can I get? Who can give something to me? How can I be better than other people?

    That doesn’t work in relationships.

    If you are only focused on what you can get from your partner, then you are neglecting them. You are not thinking about their needs – only your own. This does not work long term because it will definitely create resentment over time.

    7. Wake up Thinking, “How Can I Make His/Her Life Better Today?”
    So, instead of focusing on yourself and what YOU can get out of the relationship, you need to change your mindset. I stole this quote from Dr. Phil, by the way.

    He always says this on his show. He says he wakes up every day thinking about how he can make his wife Robin’s life better today. And Robin confirms it too.

    When we try to make our partner’s life better, then they will naturally want to make our life better too.

    We want to give to people who give to us. And the opposite is true if no one is making our lives better.

    8. Forgive One Another
    Let’s face it – no one is perfect. And that means you, too. There is no such thing as perfection!

    So, happy couples aren’t happy because they are both perfect. They are happy because they recognize that they are not – but forgive each other.

    Forging comes in big and small packages. It could be a horrible betrayal, or it could be a simple annoying habit like leaving his socks on the living room floor every night without picking them up. Either way, forgiveness is a cornerstone of happy relationships.

    If you wonder how to forgive your partner and regain trust in the relationship, this article can help: How to Regain Broken Trust in a Relationship

    9. Flirt with Each Other
    You have to keep the romance alive. I can’t tell you how many couples I know that just let it die. I always say,

    “Relationships are like plants. You need to water them every day or they will die.”

    And romance is a huge part of that.

    Flirt, compliment, and act like you are newly in love. Go on regular date nights. Schedule time for romance if you need to.

    Keeping romance alive is a huge factor in happy couples’ lives. If you don’t have that, then you might as well be roommates or brother and sister. And who wants that?

    10. Make Loving Touch a Top Priority
    Touch comes in all forms. It is not just sexual touch, although that is important too.

    Everyone has a different sex drive, so happy couples either have the similar needs in that department, or at least negotiate a middle ground.

    Non-sexual touch is important too. Holding hands, snuggling on the couch, random hugs, little kisses through the day… All that touch keeps you connected physical – and emotionally.

    11. Go to Bed Together
    This might be difficult to do if one of you is an early bird and the other is a night owl. But when you get into the habit of not going to bed together, then it puts an ongoing separation between the two of you.

    Even if one wants to go to bed earlier, the other one could come to bed too and read a book or watch TV. The important part is having a ritual of ending the day together.

    It’s even better if you are in sync, that way you can spoon each other as you fall asleep.

    12. Support Each Other
    Many of us have hopes and dreams that perhaps we have not achieved yet. And that’s great! Because life is about the journey, not the destination.

    Happy couples support each other not only in their hopes and dreams, but in any way they need.

    If they are having family problems, they are there for them. This is just another way of saying that your partner “has your back.” You can count on them for anything.

    13. Have Fun and Laugh Together
    Life doesn’t have to be serious! Laughing, having fun, and have a great sense of humor is central to many happy couples’ lives. Humor makes life easier and more fun.

    Even if your life is difficult, you can find a way to have some fun. Maybe go for a hike, or just watch a funny movie together. There are countless ways to generate fun and laughter.

    The Bottom Line
    As you can see, becoming or staying a happy couple isn’t that difficult. These are all very simple things you can do starting today!

    The problem is, most people are not thinking about any of this. It takes some focus and a bit of effort.

    But trust me… it is definitely worth it!

    So, what are you waiting for? Go make your partner happy right now.

  • 10 Tips on how to fix a failing marriage

    10 Tips on how to fix a failing marriage

    Sometimes, we feel hopeless when we’re in a bad marriage. You wonder if it is ever possible to rediscover the good relationship you had in the beginning. The answer is yes, but you have to put in some work.

    Not everyone is lucky enough to have the financial means to go to counseling. However, if you do, I would suggest that as a first step.

    Even if this is not an option, here are some steps you can try:

    1. Take a Good Look at Yourself
    It takes two to tango. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before. In other words, problems in a relationship are rarely the sole responsibility of just one person.

    Take a look at your behaviors and speculate how they might have contributed to the state of your marriage.

    2. Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions
    Now that you know what you did to contribute to your marital problems, own up to them. Tell your spouse how you feel, and then commit to changing your behavior immediately.

    3. Be Honest with Yourself and Your Spouse
    Sometimes it’s easier to put your head in the sand and ignore the problems. But your marriage won’t get any better if you do this!

    Sit down and be honest with yourself about the state of the marriage. Then, take your feelings to your spouse and have a deep, heart-to-heart talk.

    4. Have a Talk
    This is an obvious step, but it needs to be done. You can’t map out a plan for the future if you don’t even talk about your problems to begin with.

    5. Each Partner Explains His/Her Perception of the Problems
    Perception is reality

    In other words, your spouse probably sees the marriage in a very different way than you do. So, you need to listen to your partner’s point of view.

    6. Just Listen
    While your spouse is explaining their point of view, just listen to them. Don’t talk. Don’t interrupt them. Instead, stay calm and don’t get defensive.

    7. Make a List of Things That Both People Want to Change
    In order to rebuild your marriage, things obviously need to change – on both sides. So, both of you need to write down, and talk about, what needs to be changed in the marriage.

    8. Write out a “Contract”
    It’s easy for people to say they are going to change, but it’s another thing for them to actually follow through with it. So, it’s best to write a “contract” between the two of you and sign it. This shows commitment to each other for change.

    9. Spend Quality Time Together
    You can’t rebuild your marriage if you aren’t spending time together! It seems obvious, but you need to rediscover each other, and spending quality time talking and doing things is imperative.

    10. Ditch the Technology
    Believe it or now, technology is a huge culprit in the downfall of relationships. Whether it’s the TV, cell phone, or video games, spending too much time with technology and not each other is the kiss of death. Make sure you put that down and talk to each other on a regular basis.

  • 14 Ways on how to be a more loving partner

    14 Ways on how to be a more loving partner

    Many relationships failed due to lack-luster show of love from a partner or lack of commitment. Actually love affairs blossoms by a consistent show of small and/or big gestures of affection and commitment.

    Here are ways on how to be a more loving partner:

    1. Commit to Your Relationship
    Decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability.

    Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial.

    If you have that commitment, read on.

    NOTE: It’s never too late to make a decision to commit.

    2. Invest Time
    The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take.

    M. Scott Peck, M.D., in his book, The Road Less Traveled, states,

    “…love is an action, an activity.”

    One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spend time with the person you love. After all, time is our most prized possession. You show someone you love them by spending quality time with them.

    If you want to become more loving, find time every day to connect with your loved one. You can do this with a text, a phone call, or a lunch date. Be creative.

    3. Communicate Your Love
    There are countless and effective ways to do this. When my husband notices I’m in a hurry, he makes the bed for me in order to give me a few additional minutes in the morning. If I run out of a certain food I love, he stops at the store to pick it up; he saves the last of anything for me. If he never said the words I love you, I would still know he does. Clearly, his actions are speaking loudly.

    Find ways to communicate your love through action. Bring home a treat, do the dishes, make dinner, leave a note in his favorite coffee mug, etc. Before he leaves for the gym, my husband takes off his chain and sets it on his nightstand. When he’s not around, I shape the chain into a heart and leave it for him to find. It always puts a smile on his face when he does. You get the idea.

    As a writer, one of my favorite guidelines is, show, don’t just tell. By doing this, the writer provokes a reaction from their readers, helps them feel the emotion the character is feeling. This works in real life as well.

    Take an action, however small, that SHOWS your partner you love them.

    4. Be Spontaneous
    Relationships can fall into ruts. Years together can dull the excitement felt in the beginning when everything is new. It doesn’t have to stay that way.

    Spontaneity can liven any relationship. Imagine yourself walking into the kitchen, wondering what to make for dinner, not feeling like cooking at all. Suddenly, your husband walks in and says, “Take off that apron, I’m taking you out to dinner.” How would you feel? I don’t know, but I’m guessing you’d want to jump for joy.

    Or you come home, see your partner sitting in front of the TV and say, “Let’s go, I’ve made reservations at a great Air B&B. Pack your bags.”

    Spontaneity adds a thrill to any relationship. Try surprising your partner this week!

    5. Acknowledge the Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does
    One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it.

    Do you thank them for doing the laundry, walking the dog, making dinner, doing the dishes, working out, replacing the soap and shampoo before it runs out, etc? There are a million little things that keep a home going, and it’s easy to forget that someone is doing it. Acknowledge it.

    My husband had just taken a shower one day when he said, “Thank you! I never have to worry that I won’t have shampoo, or soap. It’s always there. I really appreciate that.” I felt warm and fuzzy after hearing that. It made me feel very appreciated. Your partner will too.

    6. Be Supportive
    When I decided to go back to school to become a therapist, it would mean a great deal of sacrifice. I would eventually have to quit my job; come up with tuition money, and devote time for studying. My husband said, “You’ll make a great therapist. We’ll make it work.”

    When I decided to write The Healing Alphabet, 26 Empowering Ways to Enrich Your Life, my husband said, “I can’t wait to read it. People will love it.” When I decided to cut my long hair, my husband said, “You’ll look really cute with short hair.” He has been supportive throughout our 33 years together. That support demonstrates his love.

    In what ways can you be supportive to your partner? Maybe it’s supporting a hobby they have, or wishing them a fun girl’s day out, or being there for every music recital, etc. When you’re supportive, your partner will feel like they can’t fail. It will provide the encouragement they need to keep going and have fun at the same time.

    7. Provide Space
    Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance.

    Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy. Allowing your partner time with friends and family is important. You don’t have to be by their side 24/7. In the article 10 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship by Scott Christ, he writes,

    “We all need time to explore, reflect, and express ourselves individually.”

    Create a space for your partner so that they can express their creativity. Let them be them without you. Remember, they were someone long before you came along.

    8. Take the Good with the Bad
    A good relationship takes a lot of work. The day you married your partner, you probably thought you’d hit the jackpot by marrying the most perfect being on this earth. That day, you didn’t think about the fact they kept you awake snoring, laughed like a hyena, scratched the wrong places in public, chewed with their mouths open, and who knows what else. You were just thinking about the trip to Bora Bora, how beautiful she looked in the dress, how handsome he looked in the tux, and what pretty babies you’d eventually have…

    But like I mentioned earlier, the honeymoon will end. It always does. And then you’re left with the real stuff: the smelly socks on the floor, the dirty mugs in the sink, the crumbs on the kitchen table, etc.

    Of course, I’m painting a bad picture. Maybe none of this has happened to you, and after 15 years you still feel like you hit the jackpot. Congratulations!

    For the rest of you, understand that there’s no perfection. It doesn’t exist. Yes, your partner is going to annoy you. You probably annoy your partner. If you want to be more loving, look past the imperfections. Find a way to see it as quirky. It’s part of who they are, what makes them them. According to Jeff Auerbach, Ph.D, in his book, Irritating the Ones You Love, he writes,

    “We may not be able to change who we fundamentally are, but we can do the best that’s possible with what we have.”

    And that goes for both people in the relationship. Neither one of you is perfect. Be more loving by accepting the not so appealing, and bask in all the goodness they do provide.

    9. Avoid Put Downs
    Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done.

    For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time, you moron!” Or, “No wonder your parents are disappointed by you!” Or “It’s a pleasure to meet the poster child for lateness!” And on and on.

    What are you trying to accomplish? It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re having a constructive discussion. It actually sounds like a war in progress.

    We have enough strife in the world. Don’t allow it to infiltrate your home. Speak with respect. Let love be the motivator, not pettiness.

    10. Be Willing to Compromise
    Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels.

    Since all relationships require some form of compromise to be successful, the couple has to work as a team. It’s always a give and take; a quid pro quo; a back and forth between the people involved. “Hey, since we saw Shaft last week, how about we see A Dog’s Journey this week?” Both people are willing to give in to make their partner happy, even if they have to sacrifice a little bit.

    A willingness to compromise can go a long way in creating happiness and feelings of well-being in the relationship.

    11. Tell Your Partner 3 Things You Love About Them
    My husband and I attended a couple’s seminar years ago. One of the exercises we were asked to perform was to walk around our partner while they sat in a chair, and tell them all the things we loved about them. It was an amazing experience. The focus was to be only on the good, on what you loved about them, what you admired, respected.

    As the exercise progressed, the partner reciting all the compliments was reminded about why they were with that person to begin with. It was very powerful, and the feelings created from the exercise lingered for days.

    12. Listen
    You might think you’re listening, but next time your partner is talking, pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are you really listening? Are you formulating your answer? Have you tuned out? True listening requires a great deal of effort, but it is a gift to the person who is feeling heard.

    When you truly listen, the other person feels valued, important, like they matter. And isn’t that a gift you want to give your partner? It doesn’t cost a thing, but the dividends are priceless. True listening is the encapsulation of love.

    Tonight, ask your partner a question, then really listen. Don’t get discouraged if your mind wanders for a spell, bring it back and re-focus. Your partner will sense your attentiveness and be ever so grateful.

    13. Drop Old Issues
    It might sound crazy to bring up past issues and hurts while in an argument, but couples do it all the time. It’s not uncommon for a partner to say, “Remember when you broke that vase and you said you’d replace it and you never did? You’re just as clumsy as ever!” The partner stares dumbfounded. “But that was 17 years ago! Why are you bringing that up now? Just because I accidentally dropped your cup and broke it?” You can see that this can quickly escalate.

    There is no reason to bring up the past. Ask yourself: “What’s the point? What am I trying to accomplish? Am I trying to fix the problem or make it worse?” Old issues have no place in the present. Let them go. Concentrate on the here and now.

    The bottom line is: make your relationship stronger, not weaken it.

    14. Love DOES Mean Having to Say You’re Sorry
    In the 1970 film, Love Story, written by Erich Segal, there’s a scene in which Jenny, played by Ali MacGraw, says to Oliver, played by Ryan O’Neil, “Don’t, love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I beg to differ.

    People make mistakes. It’s good to apologize. Not just a fake apology, but a true, heart-felt apology. Apologies go a long way to repair a broken relationship. If you are in the wrong, say it. Mean it. Make sure the person understands that you are making amends.

    You are not going to come off as weak if you say you’re sorry. Not only will you validate your partner’s feelings, you’ll gain respect. More than likely, your partner will say something like, “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean that.” Make amends when you need to. Your partner will look at you with the loving eyes you crave.

    Final Thoughts
    Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. Being loving is the most amazing gift you can give. All the heart flutters, the butterflies in the belly, and the buckling knees, can’t replace genuine loving acts.

    Don’t allow your relationship to be fed by simply stringing a set of words together. It takes a great deal more than that. It takes a Commitment, an Action, and a Decision. Done over and over again.

    You have everything you need right here. It’s the start you need to make it to the finish line of your relationship. If your relationship has suffered an injury, implement the above tips for a week, a month. See what happens.

    I see a second honeymoon in your future.

  • Signs you are in a loveless marriage  (and tips on how to cope with it)

    Signs you are in a loveless marriage (and tips on how to cope with it)

    When you are unhappy with your marriage, chances are you may be in a loveless marriage without being aware of it.

    Loveless marriages are more common than you think, and there are a variety of solutions to ease the dilemma you may find yourself in. In this article, I will share insights on 3 critical signs of an unhappy marriage, what happens in a marriage without intimacy and whether you should stay in a marriage without love.

    Sign #1 You Question Whether Your Partner Still Loves You
    Love is a very strong emotion. However, if you find yourself asking whether your partner loves you, it indicates there is a problem in your marriage.

    Emotional divides that make you question a partner’s love, can be caused by a lack of communication, conflicting values, sexual incompatibility or too much time focusing on the less than pleasing attributes of your partner.

    Some women ask me whether their husbands love them during their consulting sessions. These women had already spent many hours discussing it with their female friends: “He does this and that, but he never tells me he loves me. Does he still love me?”

    Males tend to communicate their love more through their actions rather than their words. If his partner then questions his love, it can make him feel unappreciated when he thinks he is showing his love via his actions.

    If someone loves you in a relationship, you usually know it, as it is obvious by their actions and overall attitude toward you. However, when you question or doubt their love, it can put a wall of resistance between you which puts you both on the defensive. This can become a vicious cycle, where you constantly trigger each other and stop noticing the qualities you originally fell in love with.

    How to Cope with It?
    Build emotional connection and enhance feelings of attraction with your partner.

    Yes, I know this is easier said than done. But it can definitely be achieved with the correct knowledge and technique.

    Remember: you are 100% responsible for your life and the outcomes within it. You chose to date your partner; you decide how you interact with them; you made the decision to marry your spouse. These were your decisions.

    Your choices are your responsibility, but it doesn’t mean you should blame yourself or your partner when things aren’t going as they should. You just need to make a few adjustments to how you are showing up within your relationship.

    Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. Only you are responsible for your happiness.

    If you indulge in thoughts about being in a loveless marriage, you will continually trigger yourself emotionally and therefore feel unmotivated toward the very actions that would save your marriage.

    Marriage is just one way to make your life happier, and that’s only when it is maintained with the right intentions and actions. How you maintain your marriage is up to you. It’s your responsibility to build a strong emotional connection with your partner and continue your efforts to enhance attraction over the lifetime of your relationship.

    Start by Creating an Inviting Environment
    First and foremost, create a more inviting environment for you and your partner. Pay attention to the way you think, act and dress.

    Know that your thoughts will always directly influence how you feel. Start by changing your own thoughts, words and actions from being negatively focused to being focused toward your ideal outcome and, you will create a flow-on effect which directly influences your partner’s behavior.

    I understand that your spouse plays a key role in your marriage, but you can only influence your spouse’s actions and feelings; you cannot control everything. In fact, being controling is the fastest way to experiencing an unhappy and loveless marriage.

    Stop Blaming Your Partner – and Inspire Them Instead
    Stop blaming your partner for your lack of connection and take action steps each day to reignite attraction. As well as paying attention to how you look and feel, this includes lifting your partner up with appreciation and gratitude for their contribution.

    It’s important to inspire your spouse to invest in your marriage because someone who invests in something expects it to work. For instance, you can ask for his/her help once in a while, so your partner feels that they are wanted and needed by you. Then, appreciate their effort.

    When your partner is contributing to your life, and you are showing your appreciation, the emotional connection between you naturally becomes stronger.

    Create Shared Experiences and Show Your Love Passionately
    Secondly, create more shared experiences with your partner. This can be a date night once a week. It can also be having a holiday for two weeks once a year. Or several romantic weekends away. Don’t let your marriage become boring and predictable after the initial excitement of your wedding.

    Lastly, show your love passionately. In life, you don’t get what you want; you get what you give. Hence, you should show your love first. Tell your husband/wife how much you love him/her and then see how things change. This is Law of Reciprocity.

    Sign #2 You Are in a Marriage Without Intimacy
    Marriages without intimacy are more common than you would assume. This can be due to sexual dysfunction issues, one’s sexual technique doesn’t fulfill another, or the couple simply has no time, energy or mood for sexy time. For many reasons, there are many couples who stop having a sexy time in the bedroom a few years after getting married. It’s one of those secrets that people just don’t talk about and keep hidden behind their bedroom door.

    Know that if you are in a marriage without intimacy, you are not alone. There are many others in a similar situation.

    Now you may wonder, “What happens in a marriage without intimacy?”

    The honest answer is that a marriage without intimacy is a sure sign of relationship breakdown. Your marriage is just not healthy without intimate relations. Along with emotional connection, sexual intimacy is the glue which holds your relationship together. While one partner may imagine they can live without sex, it’s unfair and unrealistic to expect their partner to be okay with it.

    In most healthy marriages, sex results from the combination of closeness, intimacy and emotional connection. Even as you age together, sex and intimacy remain a vital and loving component of a healthy and happy relationship.

    While some marriages can sustain a lack of intimacy, usually one partner is not happy with this arrangement.

    When encountering sexual function or other intimacy issues, it’s imperative to maintain a strong emotional connection and/or build mutual benefits in your marriage. Sadly, many couples who are in marriages without intimacy fail to build strong emotional connection or mutual benefits, so they end up in loveless marriages.

    How to Cope with It?
    Fix the problems in the bedroom and work on other areas outside the bedroom.

    When you are in a sexless marriage, you need to fix the issues in the bedroom first. The best solution is to look for professional help in this regard.

    Remember that in a marriage, you need to work together as a team. If one partner is suffering from a sexual function issue, then support them by providing emotional support and encouragement and get professional help. No one likes to feel like they are failing as a human, and most sexual issues can be corrected with the right knowledge and technique.

    Your marriage is very important to you, so you may want to invest in professional consultation and improve the situation as soon as possible.

    An expert who specializes in this area can identify the root cause of a sexless marriage and give you appropriate advice; thus, you will benefit from this new knowledge and reignite the passion in your marriage. Of course, you will need to reinforce the emotional connection with your partner as well.

    Build Mutual Benefits
    Meanwhile, you can look at various ways to build mutual benefits with your spouse. For a male partner, mutual benefits need to be intimately focused. This is because a man without sexual intimacy is like a fish without water! Giving each other a sensual and loving massage at least once a week, with the simple focus on giving enjoyment to each other without any other expectation, will help him know you are still attracted to him.

    Outside of the bedroom, there are other ways to build mutual benefits. For instance, if you already have children with your partner, you and your partner can spend more family time with children. If you and your partner have built a business together, you can spend more time working together developing your business.

    Having said that, it doesn’t mean mutual benefits can or should replace sexual intimacy in a marriage but working on other areas of your marriage will certainly help to enhance connection.

    Sign #3 You and Your Partner Are Not Even Friends
    This is the BIGGEST sign of a loveless marriage. Yes, you read that right.

    If your marriage lacks emotional connection or intimacy, you can usually still fix it. However, if you and your spouse are not even friends, that’s a much bigger problem.

    Let’s look at two scenarios in which the husband and wife are no longer friends:

    Anna and Ben were married for four years. The first year was exciting, positive and romantic. The second year was okay. The third year was boring and run-of-the-mill. The fourth year was best characterized by basic conversations about logistics in life only, for instance, who would buy toilet paper on their way home tomorrow, who would send jackets to the dry cleaners, etc. In other words, they only talked to each other when they had to.
    Cynthia and David were married for five years and went into business together. The first two years was great. The final three years was terrible. They developed conflicts of interest financially; consequently, they basically became enemies in their business transactions.
    These two couples were not even friends towards the end of their marriages. Hence, of course, they both felt like they were in loveless marriages.

    How to Cope with It?

    Evaluate whether your marriage has the potential to give you what you want.

    First and most importantly, you need to know exactly what you want from this marriage. Do you want love, intimacy or both? Do you want financial freedom or power? Sharing the same direction and values makes it easier to work together on your marriage.

    Since you and your partner are not even friends in this scenario, I recommend you make two lists using the power of logic:

    List 1 – pros of staying in this marriage
    List 2 – cons of staying in this marriage.

    When there are more pros than cons, you can stay in this marriage because there is something worth fighting for. But when there are more cons than pros, you no longer love your partner and don’t feel inclined toward working together to resolve your differences, leaving may be the better option.

    You really need to weigh up those pros and cons because there are huge emotional and financial costs involved in ending a marriage, especially when children are involved.

    Please note that not every marriage is meant to last forever. When you end a marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage has failed. Honestly, your marriage has probably helped you in tremendous ways when you think about it.

    For instance, when Anna and Ben got married, it was right for them at that time. They moved to the city together and started their new careers there. But as time went by, both Anna and Ben evolved and became different people. Their interests dramatically changed as they were growing into different directions. It doesn’t mean something must be wrong with them. It just means their marriage wasn’t right for them four years later.

    Have a Shared Direction in Your Marriage
    It’s important to have a shared direction in your marriage that you are both working toward.

    When Cynthia and David got married, they didn’t have any conflict of interest. They actually had a very good time in the first two years of their marriage. They traveled the world together. But after David’s adult children from his first marriage became involved in his company, things became complicated in terms of finances. Consequently, ongoing conflicts of interest became an issue in their marriage.

    In other words, everyone only did what they could with what they knew at that time. It was nobody’s fault.

    When you marry your partner, the love is real. When you divorce your partner, the absence of love is also real. Therefore, both decisions are right – both decisions are made according to the reality of specific circumstances.

    Final Thoughts
    There are three major signs of a loveless marriage, yet each problem has relevant solutions.

    It’s important to try your best and then make peace with the rest. Good luck!

  • Drama, controversy as Falcons fail to qualify for Tokyo 2020 Olympics

    Drama, controversy as Falcons fail to qualify for Tokyo 2020 Olympics

    By Lawrence Ekworonu

    The Super Falcons’ hope of moving to the next round of the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games African qualifying series was dealt a massive blow yesterday by Cote D’Ivoire, who held the team to a 1- 1 draw at the Agege Township Stadium, Lagos.

    The Cote d’Ivoire team, who held the Super Falcons to a 0-0 draw in the first leg of the tie, opened scoring 10 minutes into the game through a nice free kick taken at the edge of Nigeria’s 18-yard box.

    After the goal, the Ivorians continued to pile pressure on the Nigerian side, but Super Falcons’ new captain, Asisat Oshoala capitalized on a fast break from the midfield to get the equaliser in the 40th minute.

    When fans thought the Falcons will go on to win the tie on aggregate, their Ivorians dug in and repelled everything the Nigerians threw at them until the final whistle. And then drama ensued.

    The match officials, who were not sure if the away goals rule applied in the encounter, attempted to order a penalty shoot out.

    For over 30 minutes, the Nigerian and Cote d’Ivoire players and officials were on the pitch waiting for the final decision of the centre referee to either signal extra time or follow the away goal rules.

    The match commissioner had to make numerous calls before the match was awarded to Cote d’Ivoire, who started jubilating, while the Falcons walked out of the pitch disappointed.

    According to reports, CAF and FIFA rules conflicted on games tied like yesterdays.

    Speaking on the Falcons loss, NFF Vice President, Seyi Akinwunmi confirmed that the away goal rules had been applied to give the Ivoirians the game.

    “The Ivoirians have won. If we had scored the second goal, it would have been our day. But notwithstanding the result, the NFF will keep making the team stronger the best way we can.

    “Currently the Super Eagles are in Camp in Singapore, where they will start training tomorrow.

    “Coach Rohr has started mapping out a strategy for the tie, which will give the Nigerian players and coaches an insight into the standard of the team. I cannot talk on the Super Falcons’ foreign coach because it is an official matter,” he said.

  • 8 Lessons to learn from failed marriages

    8 Lessons to learn from failed marriages

    Marriages have fail because of so different reasons depending on individual circumstances. But it remains that reasons for marriage failure tend to be similar. Well, from failed marriages married couples can sure learn lessons that would help their marriages.

    Here are important lessons to learn from failed marriages:

    1. Phones Can be a Killer
    One thing that divorce will teach you is the importance of putting your phone away. Did you know that in a survey on phone use, 1 in 10 couples admitted to checking their smart device during sex? A further 85 percent of surveyed smartphone users say they use their device while speaking to friends and family.

    Research shows that multitaskers (such as those who used their phones while watching television or trying to have a personal conversation) are less empathetic. MRI scans of their brains reveal less brain density in the anterior cingulate cortex, which controls cognitive and emotional control, as well as empathy.

    People who snub their partner to play on their phone (referred to as “phubbing” or “phone snubbing”) are at risk of divorce. Phubbing as a term was coined as a part of campaign by Macquarie Dictionary, where phubbing is described as a habit of choosing to give more attention to mobile phone as opposed to the spouse or a friend.

    Studies show that phubbing directly contributes to a decline in marital satisfaction and an increase in depression. This behavior of snubbing someone over their mobile phone is the root cause of several relationship problems. The phubber makes the phubbee (victim of phubbing) feel ignored, disrespected and experience a stinging sense of relationship dissatisfaction and even hatred.

    2. Gratitude Is Necessary
    Studies reveal that partners who express gratitude for one another have greater relationship satisfaction.

    They also enjoy better communication, commitment, relationship investment, intimacy, support, and self-expansion. Gratitude in relationships promotes relationship satisfaction by prompting the partner who receives gratitude from one partner to replicate the gesture of generosity by signalling gratitude to their partner, who initiated this expression of gratitude.

    Expressing gratitude also prompts a sense of responsiveness and reciprocal behavior, where both partners respond to each other’s needs, willingly.

    3. Communication Is Really Important
    When soliciting marriage advice, we often hear that communication is the foundation of a great relationship and this is true.

    Your level of communication determines how well you and your spouse will be able to resolve arguments, how deep your marital friendship is, and how vulnerable you are willing to be with one another. Studies also prove that great communication leads to great sex and increased orgasm frequency in women.

    In your next relationship, find someone who isn’t afraid to give you their undivided attention, listens to you without interrupting, looks for ways to solve problems as a team, and loves to talk to you about their day.

    4. Your Happiness Matters
    Focusing on your happiness or self-compassion is not shallow or selfish.

    Of course, when you love someone, you want to spoil them emotionally and physically. You want to lavish them with attention, affection, and respect. These things come naturally. But until this happens, you must look out for your own interests.

    Find someone who gets you, who respects you, and who makes you feel special. Find someone who makes you laugh. Studies show that couples who laugh together are more likely to stay together. They also feel more supported and satisfied in their relationship.

    However, it is important to note that you do not force laughter, and create more chances for spontaneous and shared laughter. Letting loose, revisiting places where you share laughter, playing fun couple games and creating inside jokes are few of the things to help you both break into spontaneous laughter and improve your relationship.

    5. Know Your Deal Breakers
    If you have experienced a failed marriage, odds are you know the exact qualities that you don’t want out of a future partner.

    It is good to know what your deal breakers are. Instead of going into a relationship thinking you can change the habits that you don’t like, find someone who shares your passions.

    For example, are you a spiritual person who wishes to be with someone who shares their beliefs? If so, don’t settle. Studies show that couples who share spirituality are more likely to view their relationship as special and treat their partners better than couples who do not share a religious (or “higher power”) viewpoint.

    6. You Can’t Change Someone
    Big problems arise when partners believe that once they are married, their partner will change their bad habits.

    Wrong! One of the biggest pieces of marriage advice is this: Bottom line, you can’t force your partner to change. Only they can do that.

    If you are in a new relationship with someone, make sure you love their positive qualities and are perfectly able to tolerate the ones that aren’t so great. Because odds are, they aren’t changing anytime soon!

    7. Maintain Your Friendships
    One of the biggest lessons you can learn from a breakup is the importance of maintaining your friendships.

    When we get into a serious relationship, there is a tendency to push our friends and family to the side. We’re in love, after all. Naturally, we want to spend all of our time with our sweetheart. But consider this piece of marriage advice – if your relationship does not work out, who will be there to support you?

    Studies show that the support you receive from friends and family after a divorce, breakup, or other trauma can actually lower psychological distress. If you have not built and maintained strong relationships with your loved ones, you will feel very alone after a breakup.

    8. Sex is Essential for a Happy Relationship
    One telltale sign that your relationship was doomed was if sex was missing from your failed marriage. It may sound shallow to say that if you’re not having sex, you’re not having a great marriage. But consider these facts:

    Sexual satisfaction is one of the highest predictors in emotional intimacy between couples. Men also report feeling happier in their marriages when their wives are sexually satisfied. This emotional intimacy contributes to marital happiness and the overall friendship, security, and vulnerability you feel with your partner.

    The oxytocin released during acts of physical intimacy is essential for a lasting marriage. The oxytocin hormone is responsible for reducing stress, promoting bonding between partners, raising trust, and can reduce anxiety and act as a natural antidepressant for women.

    Final Thoughts
    By following this marriage advice, you can learn the telltale signs that your marriage is failing so you can try to save it earlier. You can even prevent your next relationship from falling apart again by learning the cause of a failed marriage.

    A failed marriage doesn’t mean that love isn’t in the cards for you, but it’s important to learn from the mistakes of the past relationships.

  • 10 Best software to improve your productivity at work

    10 Best software to improve your productivity at work

    Productivity is the ability to perform tasks efficiently and in a timely manner. In today’s busy and competitive business world, productivity is paramount for any business, organization or corporation.

    Productivity is more than just performing tasks successfully. It is about investing and allocating resources, so the company or business can perform to meet its core goals.

    As part of 2019, it is important to commit to new goals. When shopping around for new productivity software keep in mind the following things: cost, reliability, cross-platform compatibility, on the go, technical support, etc.

    In the subsequent sections, we will examine the most recommended productivity software in the marketplace. In addition, we will look at what makes them tick and what separates them from the rest of the pack.

    Projects and Tasks Management

    1. Monday dot com

    Monday dot com was founded to create a team management solution so people connect to workplace processes across any industry. The productivity tool is used in more than 140 countries.

    The user interface is intuitive and impressive. It makes collaboration productive and fun because of its simplicity.

    The tool is deemed to have one of the best user experiences across the mobile and online project and task management platform.

    The product includes usability, customization, admin control, group management and control, private or public control, in-group messaging and more.

    2. Asana

    The mantra behind Asana’s product is to enable teams from across different organizations to work together effortlessly.

    The software comes with lots of customizations. When you create a project as a user, you can choose between a traditional task view and the kanban-style board view. The dashboard allows you to see the progress on a project, and it includes an excellent advanced set of search tools.

    Also, Asana’s Android and iOS apps do retain the web interface’s clean look and feel.

    3. Trello

    Trello was founded in the summer of 2010 and two years later the platform added 500,000 members. Anyone within sales, marketing, HR and operations can collaborate successfully with this product.

    Moreover, the tool has over 100 plus integrations with Google Drive, Slack, Jira and others. The product works flawlessly across various platforms.

    Some of the well-known features includes is speed, easy-to-use, and set up. The interface includes due dates, assignments, file storage, checklists and more.

    4. Jira

    The Jira software is flexible and heralded as the next-generation project.

    The software allows teams to design and adapt the software to an organization’s needs. This includes having visibility into long term goals, project roadmaps, status of work, real-time release information and more. In addition, the interface is customizable.

    The Atlassian Cloud does not support multiple separate domains, subdomains or domain aliases in Google Apps.

    5. Evernote Business

    Evernote was founded in 2008 and reached 11 million users by 2011. The company was founded on the premise that their product should address the ever-increasing volume and speed of information.

    The product helps bring together groups of teams because of versatility and functionality. It creates documents, collaboration on projects, store information all a single location.

    Moreover, you can find information quickly and includes effective search capabilities and integrations with existing tools you may already use.

    Communication

    6. Slack

    Slack was founded in 2013 and the tool is heralded as a collaboration hub. Slack is where productivity happens. When you start a new project, hire new staff, deploy a code, review a sales contract, finalize on a budget, Slack covers all of these. Some of the major highlights include highly customizable notifications and seamless integrations with other collaboration and office tools. The free version of the software comes loaded with features, but does not archive old message. So, you have to review what are the best options for your organization or business.

    7. Spike

    Newcomer Spike makes emails more conversational by helping teams maintain productivity, communication, and collaboration. All of these are achieved from within their inbox.

    Spike works on top of any existing email (O365, G suite, and IMAP) turning it into a real-time messenger and making your communication much more functional and efficient.

    Spike’s features include built-in groups and channels, voice and video calls, email encryption, instant access to all your files, and much more.

    Creation

    8. Office 365

    Microsoft’s Office 365 could not be excluded from the conversation and especially as it pertains to productivity software.

    Of course we are all familiar with Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook. But there is more capabilities that come with it.

    You have business-class email, online storage space, and teamwork solutions. These services can be accessed from just about anywhere.

    Within this suite is Microsoft Sway, which is a presentation software and a step above PowerPoint.

    9. Grammarly

    Grammarly helps to cut down time on editing. Professionals in several industries like law, healthcare, academia, marketing, engineering and journalism use it to provide instant feedback on the accuracy of writing in English.

    Once you install the extension from Google Chrome, you can get corrections when you are drafting an email, using social media and other apps.

    Grammarly is AI powered and it’s a wonderful tool to have to check spelling and grammar before a presentation.

    Team Analytics

    10. ActivTrak

    ActivTrak is a business intelligence tool that allows you to access team behavior analytics. In other words, it is data-driven.

    The pros include two-factor authentication with active directory integration. You can also automate your alerts and it has an intuitive interface with easy-to-use admin controls.

    Furthermore, it comes with Google sign-in, iOS app, productivity track, and more. The bottomline is the product offers employee productivity metrics along with team behavior analytics.

    The Bottom Line

    Depending on the size, budget, resources, and immediate needs of your company, not all productivity software will exactly solve your problem. You will have to contact any of the providers above and probe extensively to find the right product that is made for your business.

  • Oyo govt. committed to independent judiciary–Olaniyan

    Oyo govt. committed to independent judiciary–Olaniyan

    By Our Reporter

    Mr Rauf Olaniyan, the Deputy Governor of Oyo State, says government is committed to the independence of the judiciary.

    Olaniyan, who represented Gov. Seyi Makinde at the 2019/ 2020 legal year service at the Ibadan Central Mosque in Oja’ oba, Ibadan, on Monday said the state would provide all requirements to enhance the performance of the judiciary.

    The Hon. Justice Munta Abimbola, Chief Judge of Oyo State, in his remarks gave an assurance that there would be improved justice delivery in Oyo State.

    Abimbola said: ” In considering the number of judges, the judiciary doesn’t have enough, even statutorily in our High Court slot, what we are entitled to have is 40 judges and above

    ”Presently, we have 26 judges, within the context, we don’t have enough judges, Nigeria Judicial Council (NJC) has already approved the appointment of three new judges for us.

    ”The governor after approval will put the selection process in place and we will appoint judges.”

    Prof. Wole Abass of the Department of Arabic, University of Ibadan, said the judiciary should be autonomous to enable it carry out its functions without any hindrance.

    Abass said the autonomy of the judiciary should be total so that the people could have confidence in it to access justice.

    Mr Akeem Adetunji, the Chairman of Muslim Lawyers Association of Nigeria in Oyo State, urged the executive arm of government not to pay lip service to the independence of the judiciary.

    Adetunji reiterated the call for the establishment of Sharia Court in Oyo State, renovation of various courts and provision of enabling environment for the Judiciary in the state. (NAN)

  • Best Apps for mastering a new language

    Best Apps for mastering a new language

    Learning a new language is no easy feat. While a language instructor is irreplaceable, language learning apps have come to revolutionize a lot of things and it has made language learning much easier. Compared to language learning websites, apps offer a more interactive experience to learn a new language.

    The following language learning apps are the top recommended apps for your language learning needs:

    1. Duolingo

    Duolingo is a very successful app that merged gamification and language learning. According to Expanded Ramblings, the app now counts with 300 million users.

    Duolingo offers a unique concept, an easy-to-use app and is a great app to accompany your language acquisition journey. The courses are created by native speakers, so this is not data or algorithm-based.

    The app is free and has the upgrade options with Duolingo Plus for $9.99, which are add free lessons. The mobile app offers 25 languages and is popular for English-speaking learners learning other languages.

    2. HelloTalk

    HelloTalk aims to facilitate speaking practice and eliminate the stresses of a real-time and life conversation. The app allows users to connect to native speakers and has a WhatsApp like chat that imitates its interface.

    There is a perk to this app. The same native speakers available also want to make an even exchange and learn your target language, so engagement is the name of the game.

    What’s more, the app has integrated translation function that bypasses the difficulties of sending a message with a missing word and instead fills in the gap.

    3. Mindsnacks

    Remember that Duolingo has integrated gamification in language learning? Well, Mindsnacks takes the concept to another level. There is an extensive list of languages available within the app comes with eight to nine games designed to learn grammar, vocabulary listening.

    You will also be able to visualize your progress since the app integrates monitoring capabilities. The layout and interface is nothing short of enjoyable, cheerful and charming.

    4. Busuu

    Bussu is a social language learning app. It is available on the web, Android, and iOS. It currently supports 12 languages and is free.

    The functionality allows users to learn words, simple dialogues and questions related to the conversations. In addition, the dialogues are recorded by native speakers, which brings you close to the language learning experience.

    When you upgrade, you unlock important features including course materials. The subscription is $17 a month.

    5. Babbel

    Babbel is a subscription-based service founded in 2008. According to LinguaLift, it is a paid cousing of Duolingo. The free version comes with 40 classes, and does not require you to invest any money.

    Each of the classes starts with with a sequential teaching of vocabulary with the help of pictures. The courses are tailor made and adapted to the students’ level, allowing the learning to be adjusted accordingly.

    If you started learning a language and stopped, Babbel will help you pick up where you started.

    Conclusion

    All the apps recommended are tailored for different needs, whether you’re beginning to learn a language or trying to pick back up one. All of them are designed by real-life native speakers and so provide you with a more concrete learning experience.

    Since these apps are designed to adapt to different kinds of learning styles, do check out which one is the most suitable for you.

  • Lagos Assembly passes vote of confidence on Speaker Obasa

    Lagos Assembly passes vote of confidence on Speaker Obasa

    The Lagos State House of Assembly on Monday passed a vote of confidence on the leadership of the Speaker of the House, Mr Mudashiru Obasa.

    This was sequel to an urgent matter of public importance raised by Mr Tunde Braimoh representing Kosofe Constituency II during plenary.

    Braimoh said that the speaker had done well since he assumed office with his leadership style and people oriented motions and bills that had positively affected the lives of the people of the state.

    “I, Tunde Braimoh, representing the good people of Kosofe Constituency II, hereby move that a vote of total confidence be passed on the Speaker, Mr Mudashiru Obasa,” he said.

    Also speaking, the Majority Leader of the House, Mr Sanai Agunbiade, representing Ikorodu I, said that for the executive to accomplish good things it must have good legislature.

    Agunbiade said the legislature could not be successful without good leaders, which was headed by the speaker.

    He said it was unanimous that Obasa, who he called the symbol of the Lagos State House of Assembly, had been very impressive.

    “Since the tenure is not ending today it means you still need to do more work. I pray that God will give you more wisdom and more grace to do the work,” he said.

    Commenting, Mr Abiodun Tobun, representing Epe I, said that the House and speaker Obasa stand above common standard of excellence.

    “You are bold, and courageous. You have been insistent that the parliament must go beyond the common standard of excellence.

    “You cannot buy experience, you have got this over the years, and no one can buy it in the market.

    “We are behind you as you have been elected by us and sovereignty belongs to the people. On behalf of the people of Epe Constituency I, I would say that we are behind you,” he said.

    On his part, Mr Gbolahan Yishawu, representing Eti Osa II, described Obasa as a role model, and a trail blazer.

    Yishawu said Obasa had taken the assembly to new heights and that his depth of knowledge was high.

    He said that his understanding of the economy of Lagos State as former chairman of the House Committee on Budget was second to none.

    In his contribution, Mr Bisi Yusuff, representing Alimosho Constituency I, stated that the speaker was courageous and believed in the cause of the House and in that of the state.

    “You can be very stubborn, but it is always for a cause. The House is above an individual or anybody.

    “Out of the three arms of government only the legislature was not regarded, but you have raised the bar, so you can continue to be stubborn,” he said.

    The Deputy Speaker of the House, Mr Wasiu Sanni-Eshinlokun, said he aligned with all the accolades being showered on the speaker.

    Eshinlokun attested that the House was doing very well in the 9th Assembly, adding that this was due to the speaker’s leadership.

    While wishing the speaker well, he said that this was just the beginning of many trails that the 9th Assembly under the leadership of Obasa would blaze.

    In his comments, Mr Rotimi Olowo, representing Shomolu I, said he could attest to speaker Obasa’s administrative acumen, adding that he had done a lot to make the lawmakers visible in their constituencies.

    Olowo said Obasa had made them relevant among their people through the stakeholders meeting.

    “The training you exposed us to have also improved us as members of the House.

    “The movement of Lagos State to the next level has also shown your good leadership style.

    “You always want to ensure that Lagos State is not enmeshed in debts.

    “You have sponsored bills and motions through proxies in the House.

    “You are a selfless man as you ensure that you defended the autonomy of both the legislature and the judiciary.

    “You even discussed this with President Muhammadu Buhari. You are a self made man, you are a selfless man and a great man,” he stated.

    Other lawmakers also took turns to speak on the matter and eulogised the speaker for his leadership style.

    Responding, the speaker thanked the members for their comments.

    Obasa stressed that all what the lawmakers had said would not have been possible without their support.

    “You have been able to sustain the House as being above common standard of excellence.

    “In the past, people used to come to the assembly once, but now people have been coming twice, three times, four times and even five times.

    “It means we have all been doing well which is why people have been returning us.

    “We have contributed a lot to the the development of democracy. I want to urge you all to continue to do your best for the state,” he said.

    The speaker thanked all those that had been pointing his attention to areas of importance including the staff of the assembly.

    He promised to continue to protect the interest of the lawmakers and that of the assembly generally. (NAN)