Sometimes, we feel hopeless when we’re in a bad marriage. You wonder if it is ever possible to rediscover the good relationship you had in the beginning. The answer is yes, but you have to put in some work.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have the financial means to go to counseling. However, if you do, I would suggest that as a first step.
Even if this is not an option, here are some steps you can try:
1. Take a Good Look at Yourself
It takes two to tango. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before. In other words, problems in a relationship are rarely the sole responsibility of just one person.
Take a look at your behaviors and speculate how they might have contributed to the state of your marriage.
2. Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions
Now that you know what you did to contribute to your marital problems, own up to them. Tell your spouse how you feel, and then commit to changing your behavior immediately.
3. Be Honest with Yourself and Your Spouse
Sometimes it’s easier to put your head in the sand and ignore the problems. But your marriage won’t get any better if you do this!
Sit down and be honest with yourself about the state of the marriage. Then, take your feelings to your spouse and have a deep, heart-to-heart talk.
4. Have a Talk
This is an obvious step, but it needs to be done. You can’t map out a plan for the future if you don’t even talk about your problems to begin with.
5. Each Partner Explains His/Her Perception of the Problems
Perception is reality
In other words, your spouse probably sees the marriage in a very different way than you do. So, you need to listen to your partner’s point of view.
6. Just Listen
While your spouse is explaining their point of view, just listen to them. Don’t talk. Don’t interrupt them. Instead, stay calm and don’t get defensive.
7. Make a List of Things That Both People Want to Change
In order to rebuild your marriage, things obviously need to change – on both sides. So, both of you need to write down, and talk about, what needs to be changed in the marriage.
8. Write out a “Contract”
It’s easy for people to say they are going to change, but it’s another thing for them to actually follow through with it. So, it’s best to write a “contract” between the two of you and sign it. This shows commitment to each other for change.
9. Spend Quality Time Together
You can’t rebuild your marriage if you aren’t spending time together! It seems obvious, but you need to rediscover each other, and spending quality time talking and doing things is imperative.
10. Ditch the Technology
Believe it or now, technology is a huge culprit in the downfall of relationships. Whether it’s the TV, cell phone, or video games, spending too much time with technology and not each other is the kiss of death. Make sure you put that down and talk to each other on a regular basis.
