She Continues to Live in my Heart…
The loss of a loved one is one of the inevitable realities of life and grief is a natural response to it. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The pain of loss can be overwhelming. Generally, the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.
‘A Page Each Day’ today shares the story of Maya’s loss and how she has coped through the grief. Come with me…
As a young girl of about ten, Maya left home to live far away with her uncle. Her uncle dotted on her and provided not just the basic things but other luxuries of life he could afford at the time. As she grew, she bloomed like the sunflower and was loved by everyone around the neighbourhood. Uncle Gab was a very eligible bachelor and as a successful career young man at the time, he was the desire of many young women. They virtually drooled over him and most times expressed it in their show of affection towards Maya. What did she know? She was just an innocent young girl, too young to comprehend the thoughts and actions of adults. One striking example was when Uncle Gab had taken her for admission at a school. The teacher of the class she was enrolled into was a very pretty lady who showed preference for her over any other pupil in the class. She couldn’t hide it and would spank any pupil who showed any sign of bullying towards Maya. When on one of those days the class prefect wrote Maya’s name on the list of noisemakers, the teacher called her a liar and flogged her in place of Maya. She said, “Maya is a very quiet girl and can’t appear on the list of noisemakers.”
In the course of time, a new family moved into the neighbourhood. It was a beautiful young family. Uncle Gab and the new family bonded almost immediately, though Maya had a little reservation about the woman. She saw her as harsh, but in contrast, the woman was caring towards her. The Donald family, as they were known in the neighbourhood attended the same church as Maya and Uncle Gab. When Maya moved to College, she was admitted into the same school where Mrs. Donald taught. This automatically made Mrs. Donald her school guardian. But just when Maya became very close to Mrs. Donald, the news of her transfer to the far North was broken. Maya cried that day like she would completely drain her lacrimal fluid. Mrs. Donald helped clean out her tears and assured her that she could be coming over for holidays.
With the distance, Maya and Mrs. Donald’s hearts grew fonder for each other. There were no mobile phones as at then and NITEL was an exclusive preserve of the rich. They could only depend on NIPOST which was very slow and could take a month or more to get letters delivered from one part of the country to another. In rare occasions, the letters even got missing and were never delivered. The lingering challenge of childlessness had affected Mrs. Donald deeply by this time that she could no longer bear it. Maya visited during one of her holidays and Mrs. Donald shed tears when she gave Maya a catch-up on her life through the years after they separated. The age difference between them was wide but she confided in Maya and amidst the tears, Maya told her not to give up hope, because her miracle could just be around the corner. During that holiday, she showed Maya off to her colleagues as her daughter. Maya was already a big girl in higher institution and this made Mrs. Donald’s colleagues receive the information with some level of apprehension. The looks on their faces easily gave them away but only one or two bold ones voiced out that her daughter was so big, why were they just meeting her? One even asked why she was dark and her daughter was so fair.
The mother and ‘adopted daughter’ relationship went on like that. Once it was holiday, Maya travelled to her foster parents. During her last semester in school, she already started dreaming of a new life with them. She would move and live with them from then on. On the day of her last paper, Maya received the news of Mrs. Donald’s illness. While still trying to process it, the tragic news of her demise came. Maya was shattered. Luckily, she had completed her final examination, otherwise, her performance would have been terribly affected. In another two months, Mr. Donald joined his wife. He passed on too! That is how Maya lost both parents within that short period. Her world was turned upside down. She had become so attached to the family, especially Mrs. Donald who petted her as the only child she had.
Nothing in the world was enough to console Maya. She kept asking “why?” but couldn’t get any answers. She says, “each step in life afterwards woke a memory of the pain of that loss, especially when I encountered any difficulties on my path.” Maya feels that life may have been better off if the Donald’s were still here with her. She still hasn’t been able to understand why they had to leave at the time they did. She says she went through the five stages of grief which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When she finally accepted it, she tried to move on, knowing that Mrs. Donald would not be happy to see her continue grieving. She would want her to move and conquer. “That is what has kept me moving, but she continues to live in my heart”, Maya concluded.
Dear reader, have you perhaps lost a loved one and have been unable to get over the grief? It’s normal. Have you tried to reflect on the person’s life while he/she was here? Think about it today and you would surely see aspects of their life urging you to move on. It could be really overwhelming and heart breaking but you can move on just like Maya did.
