Virtues make a good relationship and vices make a bad relationship. Now, speaking of vices, here are things you should cut out or avoid in your relationship:
1. Inconsistency
One of the most damaging and confusing things in any relationship is inconsistent behaviour; the hot-cold treatment that many of us have had a tryst with. Happy couples share some rituals, which make the relationship predictable. It may be anything from calling each other every morning, to taking an annual vacation together. These consistent behaviours and rituals create a sense of safety and reliability in relationships. Without it, one is left always walking on eggshells.
2. Incongruence
Incongruence essentially means mixed signals. Like when they tell you they like you, but don’t bother to keep in touch for days. Or, they say that they are in it just for sex, but regularly initiate plans to hang out outside of the bedroom. Basically, when they say one thing, but do another, it needs to be addressed. That said, bear in mind that some people may not be vocal about their feelings, but show it with their actions. Pay attention to that as well, and figure out if they are simply using tools other than words, or are being incongruent.
3. Passive aggressiveness
If you are upset about something, the only way to address it is to address it. Talk about it, argue about it, resolve it, and let it go. But many of us are prone to being passive-aggressive. We shut down, expect our partner to just know what is bothering us, or otherwise act out by avoiding them, or doing something to piss them off. This can set off a destructive cycle, and will not get you far in your relationship. If you are not ready to talk about the issue, that’s fine. But, make sure you don’t let it affect your behaviour until you are ready to have a conversation.
4. Assumptions
Even in a long term relationship, we are prone to making assumptions. We forget that a relationship is made out of two individuals who are on their life paths, and sometimes, life can distract one or both partners from the relationship. But, we often assume the worst without first getting information. For example, if after dating for a year or so, your partner starts acting aloof, you are likely to assume that he or she is cheating or losing interest. But, maybe they are just busy with work, or are dealing with a family crisis that they don’t want to talk about. Best is to ask, share your insecurities and doubts, and encourage an open, honest dialogue about what is really happening.
