Falling out with your best friend is the last thing you want to happen. When you’re so close to someone it seems inconceivable that you could ever have a serious argument with them. But sometimes things get out of hand and even the best of friends can have a major disagreement.
Here’s what to do if you experience falling out with your best friend:
1. ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG
If the reason for falling out with your best friend is something that you said or did, be honest and admit that it was your fault. Apologise to them. We often find it difficult to say sorry, but a sincere apology should be accepted. If it isn’t, either you messed up big time, or the friendship wasn’t as deep as you thought it was.
2. DON’T WAIT
The longer you wait to try to smooth things over, the greater the risk that you’ll stay mad at each other. Don’t leave it too long. And call your friend rather than send a message. The written word can easily be misunderstood and lacks the tone and emotion of the voice.
3. TALK HONESTLY
If you’re such good friends, you should be able to talk completely honestly with each other. If there’s a genuine problem that caused the falling out, discuss it and try to reach a solution. So if you’re upset that she has no time for you since she started dating her new boyfriend, you should try to understand each other’s point of view, and look for a way to both be happy.
4. DON’T USE INTERMEDIARIES
After falling out with your friend, you should talk to her yourself. Don’t ask another friend to intervene; you need to solve the problem directly. Trying to use an intermediary makes it seem as though you don’t have the courage to deal with issues yourself, or that it doesn’t matter enough for you to make the effort.
5. TELL THEM YOU CARE
Whatever’s caused the disagreement, your friend may think that you don’t care about them any more. So tell them that isn’t the case, and tell them how much you value the friendship. Once close friendships have fractured over seemingly trivial reasons, so don’t let that happen in your case. Your friend may need to know how much you love them.
6. BE CIVIL
Arguments with close friends can be pretty brutal, especially among teenage girls. But even if you are angry, try to be civil when you see your friend. Above all, don’t bitch about her behind her back. She may well hear about it, and then you’ll stand no chance of regaining the friendship. You’ll also look like a nasty gossip or someone who’s trying to manipulate people into taking sides.
7. EXPIRY DATE
In the worst cases, it may be that the friendship has run its course, however close you once were. Someone may have been your best friend in your teens or twenties, but as your lives change so can your friendships. Once you have children you may no longer have much in common with your party-loving best friend. Some friendships survive these changes; others don’t.
Most arguments and disagreements with your best friend are repairable. If they really are your best friend, then both of you will want to put things right. Sometimes this means you have to make the first move.
