Here are five signs your relationship is an illusion, it is going nowhere and reasons why it is a problem.
1. You don’t have a title: When things start to get serious, the natural next step is to define the relationship. This involves getting a title. You’re a girlfriend or a boyfriend, a significant other, or a partner, for example.
If you are none of these things, and you’re just “hanging out,” you’re in a fantasy relationship. Chances are, nothing will come out of this union. Without a title, you’re a random distraction. You’re just for fun.
Why this is a problem
Generally, no title means no commitment. If the person you’re interested in hasn’t titled you, then he or she is off the hook when it comes to stepping up to the plate and putting in effort.
Your love interest is free to date other people, hang out with friends whenever the mood hits, or suddenly pick up and move to another country. You have no say in the matter because, let’s face it, you don’t really matter all that much at this point.
2. You’re always the one calling and texting: Do you always call and text first? If you stopped texting and calling for a couple of days, what would happen?
If you try this and notice that the person you’re interested in hasn’t tried to contact you to see how you’re doing, you’ve got your answer. Sorry to break it to you, but you’re in a relationship with yourself.
Why this is a problem
A real relationship is a two-way street. Communication requires the participation of two people, so if you’re the only one doing the communicating, there’s not much of a relationship happening.
You’re better off spending time with someone who both looks forward to and initiates some of your interactions. A one-sided relationship doesn’t have staying power.
3. His or her friends don’t know about you: A secret love affair might be exciting at first, but it can get old pretty fast. If you and your “friend” bump into an acquaintance, are you introduced or are you left standing in the corner, waiting for the conversation to end?
If it’s the latter, you’re not in a relationship or you are, but your partner is cheating and doesn’t want to get caught.
Why this is a problem
Those who are involved in a special relationship will usually be so excited about it that they’ll tell all their close friends and family. And when they happen to see an acquaintance, they’ll jump at the opportunity to make introductions. However, if you don’t hold a special place in someone’s heart, you’ll either get a brief mention or you won’t get introduced at all.
4. You’re the only one investing time and energy: You might think just because you’re spending time together, things will eventually progress toward an official relationship.
But you’re most likely wasting your time with someone who doesn’t notice or care how much effort you’re putting forth. Continuing this behaviour will take you away from the people who really deserve your time and attention.
Why this is a problem
You can’t get your time back. All the emotional investment you’re putting into a non-relationship will drain you and leave you too tired to do other things that require your full attention. Save your time and energy for someone who cares.
5. You’re ghosted: Alas, once you think there might be hope for you and your fantasy love, he or she disappears. No phone calls, no texts, no good-bye — nothing.
Anyone can be ghosted, but it’s more likely to happen between people in a situation where one person’s definition of the relationship is wildly different than the other’s.
Once this person realises you misinterpreted the status of the relationship, he or she will start to become distant in an attempt to pump the breaks on an unwanted relationship.
Why this is a problem
Ghosting is always a problem, not only because it’s rude, but also because it leaves so many questions unanswered. It’s a cowardly way to end a relationship. All you can do in this situation is learn to let go. Don’t try to run after the person and prove you’re worthy.
