We’ve all heard the saying; it takes a seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye. This rings true in every breakup, especially one that ends without the other party involved giving you the closure you need to move forward. So how does a brokenhearted girl move on from a relationship that ends without the much-needed closure she longs for? Here are ten things that have and continue to help me as I slowly pick up the pieces of my broken heart after a relationship ended–minus the closure.
1. ACCEPTANCE
Accept the fact that your ex will not give you the closure you need. My ex decided to pull a David Copperfield act and disappear on me with without a call, email, text, or telegram, so this was the hardest thing for me come to terms with. You need to stop looking, searching, and yearning for it and come to terms that the closure you want from him will not come.
2. TURN YOUR LOVE INTO HATE
At first my girlfriends thought this was a rather harsh piece of advice, but love eventually leads to hate and the best way to get over the runaway man is by hating him.
3. EMBRACE YOUR INNER SAILOR
Sailor’s mouth is not something a lady should indulge in during her everyday life, but there comes an occasion when a woman should tap into it. That occasion is a breakup. A breakup without closure even more. Call him every name in the book, in as many languages as you speak. He’s not there to see how unladylike you look, so let him have it! It’ll give you a sense of empowerment.
4. THE RIGHT TO BE BITTER
Most women advise you not to be bitter, but I say they’re wrong. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE BITTER. As long as this is temporary and lasts up to the period when you’ve finally been able to flush him out of your system, be as bitter about the breakup, the memories attached to it, and the man himself without any guilt.
5. CLEAN HOUSE
Get everything that reminds you of him out of your house, and I mean EVERYTHING. The ticket stubs for the movies you guys went to, the pen he lent you, and any receipts you saved from special outings–THROW ALL OF THAT AWAY. He deserves no place in your heart, mind, or closet.
6. BIG GIRLS DO CRY
Cry as much as you need to. Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you shouldn’t «waste tears on him» because you need to relieve all that frustration and the best way to do that is by allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions attached to a breakup without closure. I cried for weeks. Some days were better than others, but even today I have an occasional cry here and there. With every tear, you’ll realize that you get a little bit stronger. So grab a box of tissues and let it rain.
7. DOWNLOAD, DOWNLOAD, DOWNLOAD
Run out and grab an iTunes card and download as many songs about moving on from a bad relationship. Hearing songs about moving on as opposed to songs about heartbreak and getting him back will allow your mind to accept the fact that it’s done and that you need to start moving forward and stop looking back.
8. GIRL TIME
I can’t begin to stress how important it is to spend time with those special ladies in your life who make you feel whole again. I don’t know what I would have done without my girlfriends. Girlfriends will be there for you to offer all kinds of support, a shoulder, an ear, a stiff drink. Let them be there for you–you need them now more than ever.
9. THE CONS LIST
Make a cons list of all the things you hated about him. The things he did that annoyed you, disgusted you, things he said that hurt you. For example, my ex never supported my dreams, love for writing, or my opinions. I hate that he always made it a point to comment on how thin I am, never called me, or told me I was beautiful. I remember these things constantly and it helps me realize exactly what I don’t want in a forever man. Making a cons list alone helps you focus on all the things you don’t want in a man you intend to spend the rest of your life with and get over him.
10. YOUR CLOSURE
There is going to come a point, the very one I’m currently at as I write this, where you realize that the only closure that’s going to come is from Me, Myself and I. YOU are the only one that can give yourself closure. When my ex decided to run away without so much as a goodbye, I spent everyday trying to figure out how I could get the closure from him that I needed. I had so many questions unanswered, words left unsaid, and feelings unfulfilled. But I’ve realized that his silence says volumes. The only one that can pick up the pieces of YOU is yourself.
Moving on is not meant to be easy, but after you have made it through these steps, however long that may take–you will begin to find little pieces of yourself prior to ever having men, or the man that jilted you, coming back. There will be moments of perpetual loneliness and others of bliss, but one thing that’s certain to me and what I will remind you is that you deserve to be with a real man, not a counterfeit one that believes he can walk out of a woman’s life without so much as a goodbye. In the meantime ladies–find a man who will treat you like a queen, make you smile, call you because he wants to, and–if worse and he should realize that your relationship won’t work–a man who will have the kahunas to give you the closure you need to move forward.
