Chelsea legend John Terry has revealed the depth of his emotional struggle following his infamous penalty miss in the 2008 UEFA Champions League final against Manchester United.
The former England defender slipped while taking what could have been the decisive spot-kick in the shootout at Moscow’s Luzhniki Stadium, striking the post as United went on to win the final on penalties.
Now 45, Terry has disclosed that in the aftermath of the defeat, he briefly contemplated suicide while staying on the 25th floor of the team’s hotel in Moscow, before being guided away by his teammates.
Speaking on Reece Mennie’s podcast, Terry said he wished he had spoken to someone at the time.
“Looking back, I would have loved to have talked to someone. After the game, we all went back to the hotel and I was on the 25th floor, just looking out the window, asking myself, ‘Why? Why?’” he recalled.
“I’m not saying I would have jumped, but things do go through your head at moments like that. Then the boys came up and took me downstairs. Those are the moments when you think ‘what if?’ You just never know.”
Terry also reflected on how difficult it was to regroup so soon after the heartbreak, particularly when rejoining the England squad alongside Manchester United players.
“Three or four days later, we linked up with England, and we’re sitting across the dining table from the United lads, which was the worst thing ever,” he said.
He added that scoring for England shortly afterwards only deepened the sense of regret. “We played the USA at Wembley and I scored a header. Right after that, I thought, ‘Why couldn’t I just swap that moment for the penalty?’”
Although the pain has eased over time, Terry admitted the memory still haunts him, especially since retiring from football.
“When you’re playing week in, week out, you push it to the back of your mind. But now that I’m retired, without that focus and buzz, it really gets me. I still wake up in the middle of the night and think about it. I don’t think it will ever fully go away.”
Four years later, Chelsea finally lifted the Champions League trophy after beating Bayern Munich on penalties in 2012. Terry captained the celebrations but did not play in the final, having been suspended following a red card in the semi-final against Barcelona.
