Every guy needs a list of things not to tell your girlfriend. Yes, I know, this is a site for women, but we don´t have enough security, and sometimes a guy wanders in by mistake. Besides, girls, you can print this out and leave it in a prominent place. Back to the guys. There are so many things not to tell your girlfriend, as it will only lead to doom. Your doom, that is. So remember, these are the things not to tell your girlfriend …
1. THAT’S NOT A GIRL THING
Oh dear. Never tell a woman that something isn’t for girls. Get with the program, boyfriend. This is the 21st century and women can do anything we want. Implying that we’re trying to do something that’s meant for guys will probably lead to your girlfriend demonstrating that anything you can do, she can do better.
2. THERE’S A GAME ON HER BIRTHDAY AND YOU’RE GOING
Guys, there’s one thing you have yet to learn about women. Most of us do not care about sports games. If you can find one who tolerates it, you’re doing well. If you find one who loves sport as much as you do, you’ve hit the girlfriend jackpot. It’s unlikely though. So never put sport before your girlfriend, or you’ll be single before you can blink.
3. HER BOOBS ARE TOO SMALL
One of the things not to tell your girlfriend is that you don´t like something about her body. I dated a guy who used to comment on my small boobs. Fortunately (for him), he didn’t offer to fund implants, or he wouldn’t just be my ex-boyfriend, he´d be an ex-person. You get what nature gives you, and women don´t want guys who criticize their body – we want someone who is attracted to us as we are.
4. SHE DRIBBLES IN HER SLEEP
Women know all too well that we don´t wake up looking polished. No, we wake up looking like the Bride of Frankenstein. So when we allow you to stay over and see us ´au naturel´, it´s a big deal. Do not abuse this trust by telling us that we sleep with our mouths open, or taking photos of our bird´s nest hair to show your mates.
5. HER SISTER IS HOT
This is probably one of the top things on the list of things not to tell your girlfriend. Even if you wouldn’t dream of making a move, never mention that your girlfriend’s sister or friend is really hot. In fact, don’t mention her on the hotness scale at all. Don’t try either to pretend that she isn’t at all hot – the reaction will then be “Are you calling my sister ugly?” You must not see them as female at all.
6. WHAT HAPPENED IN VEGAS
Lying to your girlfriend is not a smart move, as women always know when you´ve done something that you shouldn´t have done. However, if you got up to no good before you met her, it might be a wise idea to keep that to yourself. Previous misbehaviour is among things not to tell your girlfriend, as we like to think that you led a relatively blameless life before you met us.
7. YOU USED TO DATE YOUR BEST FRIEND´S SISTER
You may or may not be quizzed by your girlfriend about your previous romantic history. If you are, it´s probably best to leave it off your CV if you once dated your best friend´s sister. This comes under Too Close For Comfort, especially if the girl in question is still on the scene and you´re likely to bump into her because you´re friends with her brother.
8. SHE´S WRONG
I correct myself here. This is Number One on the list of Things Not To Tell Your Girlfriend. Women are always right. This is FACT, and we are not to be questioned. You may, foolishly, disagree on this point (which makes you wrong), but if you want a quiet life, always just accept that your girlfriend is right about everything.
There are lots of things not to tell your girlfriend, and I´ve only managed to scratch the surface of this tricky subject. Guys, you´ll just have to learn the rest by trial and error. Just make sure that the errors are not too serious!
